Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
