It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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