Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
