I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
