I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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