Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
