i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
