So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
