I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
