Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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