Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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