For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
