i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
