Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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