Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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