If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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