so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
