sarcasm needs its own font
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
