So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You have to summon your inner elephant
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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