The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
