I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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