oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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