Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
