Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
