how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
