Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
