how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
