Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
