They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
