Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
