What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
