Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
