i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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