you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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