Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
