I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
