I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
