did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
