I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
