I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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