But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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