i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
