I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
