STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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