Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
