My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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