im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
