And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
