Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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