Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
