Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The struggles of a small town man whore
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
